Sounds Like 1st Trimester

"Have you called your mom yet?"

"No"

"Have you written Frannie's blog?"

"No"

"Have you talked to any of your sisters?"

"No"

"You are in a funk with your family"

"No Beth, I'm just in a funk"

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Last weekend I talked to my sister about motherhood.

"When you are sick and pregnant nothing is quite right." She noted.

Yes! That is it! Nothing feels quite right. Like my blog. Like me. Like my family. Things should be different.

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I didn't have anything to wear to church on Sunday. I looked at my closet and nothing mentally fit. I could've tried some dresses on, but my mind had already decided. I didn't want to wear anything I could see. So I put on my black stand-by dress and tried to revive it with some pink accessories. I used to be cute, I swear I used to be cute.

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After church Kiel and I went home to break the fast. We ate our leftovers from the Olive Garden. Lately food and I cannot agree on ANYTHING. I thought the Zuppa Toscana soup would satisfy my appetite but after two bites I gave it to Kiel. I usually cook on Sundays. But I can't make food right now, because my love seems restricted.

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Back at the apartment Saturday morning.

"I'll make breakfast if you do the laundry." Kiel bartered.

"Sure" I shrugged.

I had a small portion of breakfast and then couldn't get up to do the laundry. The day I have a laundry room in my home will probably feel much like winning the Lotto.

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My mother's house is adorable. Every pillow, vase and sculpture sings a happy song. It's the coziest home you'll ever visit and everything is homemade. Nothing is chirping at my house. I haven't vacuumed or swept in weeks. I don't feel like doing anything while I am gestating. I get to pick these things, right?

"Were you concerned about having a cute house when your children were little?" I asked my mother.

"No, but I always tried to have a clean house." She replied.

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Kiel and I went apartment/house hunting. We walked into a home we could never afford. I will use these words to describe the home: Spacious, Georgeous, Breathtaking, I want it.

"We should talk to a lender." I say.

"You want to buy a home right now?"

I think about it, "well, we should talk to one anyway."

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We are in the bare living room tonight.

I want a snack.

I get up and get spinach dip with croustini.

No good.

Instead I grab a jar of spicy pickles take a few bites and still feel unsatisfied. I get up and slice a bell pepper.

I think, what am I doing?

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I got a promotion.

Have I told my blog that yet?

It's great, last week I had meetings till midnight. This week I have meetings in the early AM.

All day I decide which background and what CTA (Call To Action) buttons are going to attract the most customers and therefore improve conversion.

Well actually, I'm responsible for way more than that.

But basically I could care less.

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I am not right. And that is the point. I am not right because I am not listening to what is right. Right for me, my body, my season of life.

My season is not about Job promotions.

It is not about the perfect snack.

I need a permanent house so I can nest and create a safe home.

Good organization and lots of cues from nature.

A clean house.

My season is not about fashion.

It is about picking a few items, showing off the best part of my body.

Easy laundered shirts.

Look nice, but not encumbered.

Clean clothes.

My season is not about cooking elegant meals.

I do not have the heart to treat food the way it should be treated.

It is okay to eat watermelon, oatmeal and toast.

Pirate Booty and Corn Pops.

Just eat something.

My season is for babies.

For sleeping when I can.

For belly and breast expansion and retraction.

A season for schedules and predictability.

A quiet time, a time to be at home (except I'm at work), a time to focus on growing and gathering.

Love this season. (I don't want to ask my energy to do more than this, though some women can.)

Then, then, then! I will start to dream again. I will dream of the season of home cooked meals and vacuum lines in my carpet. The time to cultivate a more sophisticated wardrobe and mornings to stay in bed until noon. I will earn my way to a kitchen full of spices and surprises. Parties, gatherings, social outings. First this. Then the gold living room. (Did I mention I want a gold living room?)

The Day Real Life Happened

For the past 5 months Kiel and I have been living a dream. We talk about it all the time. About how life is being so good to us and how spoiled we are. We live right on the beach, we both have nice paying jobs and in this economy that should be enough, and we love married life. We have so much freedom to travel and do whatever we want. We are planning an amazing vacation in June. It's been great :D

Then something happened...I got really bad PMS. It was the longest PMS of Kiel's life and has yet to go away. I noticed I was cranky when Kiel pointed out something "funny" I did.

"Hey, you washed my hat."

"No I didn't, you're the one who did the laundry." I snapped back, already angry

"But you're the one who sorted it."

"So, you put it in the washer"

"Babe, it's okay I'm not mad"

And then I lost it. Seriously, lost it. I was yelling at the top of my lungs while scrubbing the counters and throwing dishes in the sink. "Of course you're not mad and if you WERE mad you should be mad at YOURSELF." I turned around to find I was yelling at the walls. I knew I was acting crazy but I couldn't get a handle on it. The following weekend wasn't that bad because we were in the bay area but once we got back to our humble abode so did crazy woman. It's like I'm possessed.

Monday, 7 p.m., Melissa gets home 7 minutes before Kiel. Thought bubble "awesome, I think I'll watch a little t.v. before I make dinner, but first I have to go to the bathroom"

Melissa on the pot, Kiel walks in: "You better light a candle in there" he hollars and proceeds to turn on his video game. I yell "Babe, I get dibs on the t.v. for 30 minutes" but he can't hear me.

"Babe, I wanted to watch 30 minutes of t.v. before I cook dinner"

"Why?"

"Because I want to relax for a minute"

"Cook dinner, then you can relax"


It took all of me not to jump on him. I just glared, if my head could detach and spin like the exorcist it would have.

He must have sensed I wasn't thinking good thoughts because he turned off his game and let me watch my show. After dinner Kiel mentioned that my PMS was lasting much longer than usual. Well, it's only been a week I protested.


But then I thought about it, it's been longer than a week. It's been about two weeks and as it turns out it will be the longest PMS both of us will have to endure.


That's right folks, we won't be taking our vacation anytime soon.

A Blog Over

A conversation I had with my company's PR firm.

"Kim, I want my blog to be famous!"

"You do?" she chuckles to let me know she doesn't take me seriously.

But I stand there, then I laugh. "Yes" I say, not knowing why. But I do. Oh, who am I fooling, I just want to be famous and if it's my blog that will get me there then so be it. I love Famous.

Then Kim gives me Hope. "Let me look at it" she says, I will let you know if you have potential.

She gets back to me quickly, "Your blog is really cute and sweet, but it's not you!"

I laugh, taking it as an insult but also knowing she was right.

"You need to tell stories, and put in your sense of humor"

That's how The dog story evolved. A story about my relationship on my "relationship blog" seemed appropriate even if it ran a little long. But now I'm stuck. Most of my visitors, although I don't know who some of them are:

(Who are you Oakland California and Mesa Arizona? Whoever you are, thanks for coming.)

Are interested in pictures and mini updates, am I right? Or am I wrong?

So please bare with me as I try to make this transformation and struggle to make the post that will be The post. That will be the day that Kiel will no longer tease "Did you make your million dollar post yet?" and he will then apologize for not taking my goal seriously and proceed to ask me to buy him a ferrari.

Frackus K

On September 20th 1982, a 9lb 90z curly haired girl was born and that's the day I became an older sister. Frances brought much joy to our family and balanced our sarcastic, dry sense of humor with her over-sensitive, love for everyone and everything, spirit.

Her big blue eyes, blond curly hair and humongous chubby cheeks quickly stole the hearts of most that came in contact with her, and yes this baby was as sweet on the inside as she looked on the outside.
By the time Frances was in the fourth grade she had to date 35 boyfriends. We all know what elementary relationships consist of; playing tag, an invite to the house to jump on the trampoline and wa la "you're going steady" until that little boy finds someone else he'd rather play tag with. Anyway the point is (if I have one) Frannie won the hearts of many, was a social butterfly and a delicate sensitive flower all at the same time. (How's that for talent?)
Speaking of talents, Frances can quilt, crochet bikini's and make crotchless underwear (don't ask, practical joke, or just watch Friends Season 6 Episode 17.)

Frances is a cancer survivor, a supporter and great example to all Latter Day Saints.

She's also the worst secret keeper of all time even though she tries so hard.

But most of all she's a Mother. A mother of the cutest boy.

So happy, happy Birthday to my Favorite sister of mine.

With Love,

Melissa

Job Security

My department did some rearranging.



They rearranged me to the health team. I'm nervous about it. It's a huge brand, that means lots of pressure from the corner office guy but bigger bonus checks so it evens out in the end.



It came at the worst time in our personal lives but we'll figure it out, we always do.



But don't worry beauty scavengers who only love me because I get free beauty products, I still get those perks.



And if you're interested in losing weight but don't want to work at it check out this website: http://www.trysensa.com/

It's Over!!!

Finally, all celebrations for the Birthday Boy have been celebrated and I no longer have to hear the words "but it's my Birthday" for at least another year.

First, we went to the Bay Area to celebrate with family and ate at a chinese food restaurant.

Then we ditched my high school reunion to go out with my sister and her husband to Bennihana's and again we celebrated Kiel.

Next we went to a Blink 182 concert.

Last I threw him a party and it was sorta like two parties in one day. The first half was with family and the second half was with new friends.

The group before the balloon launch with Birthday wishes.

So in all seriousness, I love this birthday boy (I love Kiel, but the boy in the above picture is adorable, don't you agree?) and feel blessed to be his wife and put together a celebration(s) in his honor.

No Subject

Objects we ardently pursue bring little happiness when gained; most of our pleasures come from unexpected sources. - Herbert Spencer

Real life always happens. Enjoy the journey!

I stole this from Beth, because it was meant for me anyway.

A Dog Story

Do you want to hear a love story?

This Friday I took Montana to the vet. He was past due on some shots and I wanted to get his ears checked, plus my aunt had mentioned he was rubbing his butt on the floor a lot, which meant one of two things; he had worms or backed up anal glands, neither sound pretty. (Insert laugh here.)

When I took Montana to the vet she said he was six years old. How did I lose a year? My mind traveled back in time when I decided to get the pooch.

Frances and I were living in Walnut Creek in a tiny cottage home. I really wanted a puppy and after a few weeks of searching and Fran's love of Bullmastiff's we drove to Turlock and picked the friendlier one out of the two. We quickly named him Montana after he woofed down two "Big Montana" sandwiches from Arby's while we were getting gas. I remember him laying on the car floor, moaning in pain, his belly looked as if he had swallowed a 19 pound rabbit. For the entire ride home we had to pull over every 15 minutes so he could go to the bathroom.

That was just the beginning of many gifts Montana decided to give me. As a puppy he would drag giant deer carcasses to my front porch, leave nice wet puddles on my side of the bed as a good morning gift, and fluff my pillows by actually ripping the stuffing out. One time he caught a bird in midair and dropped it in my lap, I think I'm the one that actually killed it as I panicked and flung it across the driveway. He would just look at me, in the cute adorable way he does, "what? Don't you like my gifts?"

When he was about 4 months old Frances had a boy over and they were hanging out in her room with the door open. I saw Montana peek his head in and then run to the front porch. I didn't think anything of it so I went to my room and 15 seconds later I heard Frances scream my name. Five seconds after that Chris was gone. "He dropped a dead rat right by Chris's head" she yelled. I walked in her room and the smell was overwhelming. I scolded Montana, "we do not bring dead animals into the house, how many times must we go over this?" He just looked at me, satisfied and smiled in accomplishment. A month later Chris moved South and Frances shortly followed. A month after that I got a phone call from my sister explaining that she and Chris would no longer be dating. I told Montana, as if he would understand and amazingly he stared at me like "didn't I tell you that guy was a rat a few months ago?" and trotted back in the house to eat a snack.

It was Montana that brought me to the house that would eventually introduce me to Kiel. I needed to go back to school full time and wanted to save rent money. My Aunt was generous enough to open up her home (since no one would rent to someone who owned a GIANT horse) and when my Grandma died we moved into her house. Kiel came over to do my sister a favor and help us move. Montana immediately greeted him with a big nose slam right in you know where and Kiel was down for the count. Embarrassed, I grabbed Montana, apologized and ran to my aunt's room so I could laugh. I really have to teach him to stop doing that, I thought. Montana and I spent the rest of the time in the empty bedroom until he left. But somehow in that 15 second introduction I left an impression because he got my number from Frances and asked me out a week later.

Soon after that we were hanging out all the time and where ever we were Montana was in between. Every night when I walked Kiel to the door Montana would follow and when Kiel gave me a hug Montana would wedge his head in between our legs and nudge Kiel in the same spot he did on the first greeting, that made Kiel leave much sooner and Montana would just give me that "mission accomplished" look. We quickly named Montana our "chastity belt" and I was comforted to have him around. Montana; however, would only relax once Kiel was gone.

It was Montana I opened up to on my drive home from Oregon, Thanksgiving weekend 2005. Kiel and I had a serious case of puppy love (he gets mad whenever I say that, but it was true) and I felt things were moving too fast so I broke it off via text. Hi my name's Melissa, I hate confrontation and I suck. Kiel acted like any normal guy would, he tried to talk to me, but I wouldn't talk, he got angry, but I wouldn't give in and lastly before he gave up hope he tried to woo me and for some reason I still wouldn't give into those feelings that I desperately wanted to. Until another girl became involved.

Kiel got a new girlfriend a couple months after our breakup and not only that, she was cute. All of a sudden I was jealous. It's all I could think about, it's all I could talk about and I didn't want to do anything else except get him back. I told Frances "Kiel is my ticket to Heaven" and I know it sounds silly but I meant it, I believed it with my whole heart and even though I know now that statement isn't entirely true it is partially. Frances tried to warn me, by letting me know I was jealous and although it was obvious I still had feelings for him I needed to cool it until I knew for sure I was ready. But all those that know me, know that once I have an idea in my head it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to let it go, trust me I've tried, impossible. So I did what any normal x-girlfriend would do, I wrote him a letter confessing my heart and soul and asked for his forgiveness and told him I would never break his heart again and then I gave it to him. He read it and said there was a minor problem, he had a girlfriend. Really? I had know idea. BUT, he then said he would break up with her that night at FHE, in person (total man) and that night, after it was over we were back together. And it was wonderful until he mentioned MARRIAGE and inside I freaked, I wasn't ready even though I thought I was. Even though I knew this man was to play a huge role in my life, I wasn't ready. So I avoided him...again.

Yep, not once but TWICE! Hi my name's Melissa, I'm a jerk. But don't worry Kiel makes sure that I don't forget what I have already put him through.

For three years we didn't talk, except for an occasional text. My days were consumed with a full time work and school schedule and he, well, I don't know exactly what he did. I know he moved to Utah, applied for the CHP academy and moved back to California. I know I was a part of his background check and of course gave him a good review, he was, after all, the best boyfriend I ever had. And then one day out of the blue Montana stumbled on a picture of us, and decided to chew on it. "What are you chewing on now?" I asked as I pulled the picture out of his mouth. There was Kiel in a red baseball cap that I had bought for him on his birthday and me with short brown hair. I immediately felt prompted to text him, thinking that he was still in Utah. "Come snuggle" I said, a phrase we would say all the time (very bold of me, I might add) but have not said in such a long time. To my surprise he texted back, "Are you serious?" and that was all it took...or so I thought.

Immediately we had reconnected, all of my old feelings rushed back as they had never left and I knew I was going to marry this man. Except, he didn't trust me and never wanted to get back into a relationship with me again (minor complication). I did my best to put in extra effort to show him I cared, but he was moving to LA after the academy and made it obvious that he didn't see us moving forward after that. Ha! He obviously didn't know at the time (but does now, trust me) that once I get an idea in my head it is IMPOSSIBLE for it to go away. So I just smiled and continued to be my sweet self and secretly called him my boyfriend even though he said no. Then the tragic day came when he graduated and packed up his stuff to move away. That night I told him again that I wanted to continue our connection even though he was moving and he said he wasn't interested in pursuing anything. Man, that hurt. But I deserved it so I said goodbye thinking that this would be the last time I would ever hear from him.

The next day my phone got a text and it was way more than a "let's just be friends text" it was a "I still have feelings for you but am not willing to admit it text," it said three simple words, "I miss you" and I knew I was back in the game. I did my "I still got it" dance and then got down to business. I did what any psycho, crazy, determined girl would do, I scheduled a "business trip" in South LA and conveniently had an extra day to hang out and somehow didn't have a rental car so Kiel had to pick me up and go out to dinner with me. Those "business trips" continued to happen whenever I felt he was getting used to not having me around. Then a magical thing happened, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Four months later I moved to Southern California, three months after that he asked me to be his wife and three months after that we were married. Just like I knew we would be.

So this might not be the best love story, but on my wedding day, as I knelt at the altar and looked into Kiel’s eyes, I knew that everything was right—the right person, the right place, and the right TIME.

Now the only thing I wish for, is Montana to be a permanent residence at our house, after all, he was and will continue to be a big part of this love story ;)

Happy 26th Birthday

26 Amazing Things About Kiel

26. He owns 56 hats and counting
25. He married the most beautiful woman in the world
24. He clips his nails outside
23. He can drink 1 liter of soda in 2 hours
22. He can poop/wipe/flush in 30 seconds
21. He can make a mean breakfast

20. He can drive over 90 mph and never get a ticket
19. He can baptise people
18. He can quote any movie he's ever seen
17. He loves to moisturize (say w/a lisp)
16. He has a really cool watch
15. He knows that pinkberry and moosetracks are the best frozen treats
14. He has a really cute niece and nephews
13. He knows how valuable sleep in Saturdays are
12. He gives blessings
11. He can school anyone on guitar hero as an expert
10. He knows that golfing is lame
9. He's clean and always smells lovely
8. He's a professional driver
7. He gives great manicures
6. He only picks his nose in the shower
5. He alphabetizes the spice rack
4. He does my laundry if I ask
3. He knows how good movie's look on a giant t.v. and blu ray
2. He's the best husband ever
1. A man of God

Goals

I'm not necessarily a "goal" oriented person per say, but I do have checklists of things I want to accomplish. Every week and the beginning of each month I will make mini goals for Kiel and I to accomplish. Like, let's read our scriptures together every night this week and say family prayer every evening. Let's go to the temple once a month. Sounds simple? Not with his schedule but the majority of the time the goals are accomplished.

For this month I decided I was going to write a post everyday for the month of September. I already cheated by writing 5 posts in one day (by the way, is it called a post or a blog?) so I had extra inventory and didn't need to write a blog until today. Thus the reason for this meaningless babble. I have a goal and I plan on having 30 blogs by the time October 1st comes around.

It should be easy, I have my high school reunion, Kiel's Birthday tomorrow (you know what that means long followers, a birthday list of 26 amazing things about Kiel, I'll try and make it better than last year but last year was pretty amazing.) Kiel's Birthday celebration at our place, and last but not least camping. Oh it's a busy month! I haven't had time to make him take me to a chick flick and I've been wanting to see Julie & Julia since I've seen previews for it when we saw My Sister's Keeper.

And one more thing before I "publish post" I secretly want my blog to become famous. Isn't that funny? I am so outdated when it comes to the "blogger world," a world that has existed for 10 years and I just realized it existed in 2008. The Julie/Julia Project started in 2002, 2002 and now 6 years later it's a book and a movie. What would I be famous for? How ordinarily ordinary I am? I need a blog that inspires people, blogs that inspire get noticed. But for now I take pride in being a hard working individual, a wife to my husband and a faithful member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Yes, it is a wonderful life :D

Labor Day Weekend is Over

So if you know me, you know these 3 things.

1. I love parties; the planning, decorating, themes and attending/participating

2. I love to entertain; the menu, the fancy glasses and linen napkins, and of course the guests

3. I love three day weekends

That means this labor day weekend was the Perfect weekend! If you read the previous posts (scroll down there's a lot of posts today) you already know we had a surprise party and tonight we had the most wonderful meal with Queen Elizabeth and Prince Charles.

Menu:

Snow Crab w/3 home made dipping sauces

Roasted Veggies

Spinach Salad

Cheese Biscuits

Grape and Cran Ras Bubbly

and

Fancy Water

It was so good that no one had room for dessert. A wonderful way to end the weekend.

And because I want to share these pictures but can't think of any blog titles, I will share them here:Kerry, Kiel and I saw this cloud that looked like a UFO on the way home from Sand Diego.

I took this picture on the way home, I like how everything in the mirror is standing still and the car is speeding past.

Also Kiel had a first today: September 7, 2009, Age 25, Time: 8pm, First time trying crab.

Ps, I know Sand diego is really San Diego, but I like my way better.

That's all ;)

Fall Decorating

I decided to decorate for Fall.

Kiel hates the decorations.

That's All.

Fit For the Queen

Queen Elizabeth and Prince Charles are coming to visit, therefore my house is Martha Stewart clean, with fresh bluberry muffins to mask the cleaning supplies aroma. Tonight we will have a dinner fit for Kings.

But till then we will enjoy fancy water and the view on the patio.
I love house guests!

What The World Needs

Less of Obama's Health Care Reform and More babies that make the cutest smiles for the camera!

Shhhh, She's Coming

This Labor Day Weekend, Shelley and I finally did what we've been talking about for over a month...we surprised LISA by throwing her a 30th birthday party at a park in Sand Diego!
Lisa and the ultimate surprise face, we even had tears ;O The ultimate reaction any surprise party thrower would want.The Chefs, Kerry, Kiel and Steve. Menu: Deliciously seasoned burgers, hotdogs, hot links, fruit skewers, salad and all the fixings.
Guests:
Cousin Amy and baby X, still no name for the little girl, I say we call her Suzie for now.

Omi, Curtis and Mariah

a few pictures of the Whole Gang

Events: Pinata, Bucket list and Cake Cutting

The lovely Pinata

The Amazing Disco Ball Cake

And for kicks, let's check out this surprise face one more time ;)
The End