I'm excited to be pregnant!!! It finally hit me and it's about dang time. It's been a roller coaster of emotions with this pregnancy and excited wasn't one of them. Nervous, scared, apprehensive, skeptical (can we really do this?) and redundant (yes, redundant. I just had a baby, remember?) and let's not forget grateful and happy because those were there too. But pure, jumping for joy excitement, well that just happened...like JUST happened, this very second.

And I'm excited for a boy or a girl but mostly for a baby. A tiny sweet, soft, sleepy (please be extra sleepy) baby that I get to hold in my arms for hours and he/she won't squirm away. I'm excited for Bruce to have a sibling to torment and then eventually, hopefully a best friend for life.

And most of all I'm excited for March 18th so we can find out if Bruce is having a brother or sister and if I need to go clothes shopping for tutu's and hair bows because you better believe my little girl will be nothing short of a pretty princess...no tomboys allowed.

Oh, a sweet little baby that eats every two hours and poops just the same. I can't wait!

Baby #2

We had a Dr. appointment today and it looks like we were a little ahead of schedule. Baby # 2 is due August 8th, 2011 but they want to take him/her one week early. Which is okay by me, one week less of swollen ankles and pressure on my bladder is always a plus. The heart beat was nice and strong and it looked like a healthy peanut.

The babies will be 14 months and 2 weeks apart. We sure caught up fast to everyone else, now we just need Brittany to hop on the 2nd baby train! Wish us luck, we are going to need it.

Bruce's Birth Story

So, umm, yeah...labor.

It goes a little something like this:

Mom starts feeling contractions on a Tuesday as she's driving to a relief society event with home made bread in tow. (The first time I've ever made home made bread and please note it was good. Noted.) They are about 5 - 10 minutes apart and stay that way through Wednesday.


Dad takes mom to the hospital where she is monitored for 2 hours and contractions are now 2 minutes apart, plus they hurt. But after two hours they find she is only dilated to a 1 so out they go with instructions to come back if the water breaks or they get stronger. On the way home dad and mom stop at the frozen yogurt place and also get dinner. Contractions still come and still hurt. Dad draws mom a relaxing bath and mom sleeps there for an hour. Labor slows down.

Friday mom cleans light switches. Dad hangs out as the on - demand - back - rubber and food - retriever.

Saturday mom can't take it anymore and goes to the hospital again. This time she has a plan to demand that her water be broken. Plan fails mom and dad go home.

That night was the worst night ever, with contractions 5 to 10 min's apart and finally kicking into high gear at 5am with stronger contractions every 2 minutes. Back to the hospital, the nurse declares mom is still dilated at a 1 but looks so pathetic and tired that the nurse decides to admit her anyway.


Finally!


Water is broken around 11am, epidural is given shortly after and dilation takes off!


Mom is ready to push by 5pm. But asks for more drugs because she can feel her contractions. Nurse says it's better not to have anymore and it will be over in an hour. Mom pushes and pushes and 2 hours later still no baby.


Doctor says baby is posterior and tries to turn him.


Baby says screw you I like it this way. Another hour of pushing, the Doc finally says we need to re-visit different options.


Mom says "do what you have to do to get the baby out and bring on the drugs!"


Mom pushes for twenty more minutes while waiting for her favorite person, "the epidural guy." (he says he's not offended.)


Dad changes into scrubs and meets mom in the operating room.


Mom never feels so vulnerable in her life as she lies on the operating table completely exposed in front of 4 doctors and 3 nurses.


Ten minutes later baby is out.


Mom and Dad cry as they hear their baby cry.


Baby is weighed, given his i.d.s, swaddled and lays on mom's chest, while mom gets stitched up.


Thirty minutes later, mom is moved to the recovery room where she meets dad and baby.


Mom has the shakes for forty minutes but does skin to skin with baby. After an hour parents in the waiting room are allowed to come see mom and baby. Baby is introduced as Bruce Wayne Christensen to his grandpa.

A couple hours later mom, baby and dad are moved to their private room that they will stay for four days.


Four hospital days later mom and dad are able to go home with their brand new baby.

The Nursery

Awww, the nursery is finally here. Well, it's the nursery slash guestroom. But what's important is it's a functioning room for diaper changes, nursing and rocking. All while the guests are sleeping, but not really :)

The boy's crib is still in a box in my closet. His sleeping slumber will take place in our room in his "mini crib" for the first 6 months of his life. According to the American Association of Pediatrics that is what we should do, so we're doing it...why argue with them right?

So here are some pics of the room. The walls are a little bare. If you haven't guessed it yet I'm one of those paranoid types and with all of the earthquakes we've been having the last thing I need is something to fall on this precious child and dent his skull. Afterall, I've been baking him to perfection for 9 months!

(Ps that black thing on the wall will be holding pictures, once we have some. If he ever decides to move out. )

So I might paint something on the wall instead, maybe his name or maybe sport balls...what to do, what to do?

The only thing I'm waiting for is this:It will allow me to organize things a little bit more. It's suppose to be be here by Friday. The baby is suppose to be here by Saturday.

Be here or be square baby.

No seriously, the weather is awesome, the place is immaculate and the food will be great.

YOU CAN COME OUT NOW!

Shopping Trip

This whole time Kiel hasn't set foot in a baby store. I think he is still exhausted when we registered for our wedding. I registered at 5 different places so I could collect that 10% discount when the time came and I did it all by myself happily. Actually, that's not true, it was me and 5 of my gal friends from work on a lunch break. *Note to self, only ask moms for help next time. I ended up editing out dog food, clothes, alcohol, household items and birth control supplies.

Today was the first time we went shopping together for the baby. It was fairly easy, I ran around and put things in the cart while he pushed and mentally calculated how much it was going to cost him. I love how he spoils his family so. Luckily, with our discount and all of our gift cards it didn't cost him much.

We bought our dresser/changing table combo...

A rocker/glider

and a MAN bag for Kiel, notice the big words that say JEEP. Out of all of the items we purchased today this is the only one he had an opinion about. Must be Manly, must not have any pink if I want him to carry it. *Noted.

I on the other hand thought it was too manly for me and went ahead and ordered this little number.

And what makes it even more awesome is it comes with a FREE diaper bag...

Kiel says we do not need 3 diaper bags but I beg to differ...ummm hello, I need to coordinate my bags with my outfit. And he did marry a woman that has over 100 purses (seriously).

Other than that, between 3 baby showers and our gift cards we received everything we needed. We are so lucky and so blessed!

Now Kiel gets to take pride in assembling all of the furniture :) He gets to do that this weekend and I will finally be able to turn that room that we painted into a functioning nursery.

Quick Baby Update:

We had a check up today and I will not be induced on the 8th. Apparently, there are five steps that let my dr. know my body is preparing for labor and I am a big fat ZERO. Even his head that was dropped has moved back up, hence the reason my heart burn is back. But she also assured me I could go from zero steps to five overnight. Hopefully it is not these next three nightst that Kiel will be at Shelley's.

Next Monday we'll see if we made any progress.

May He Be Here Soon?

(These were made by Sister Watkins, especially for The Brute)

This is the month our baby boy will make his arrival! My body can't wait to be back to normal but I will settle with the removal of this giant basketball instead. And I'm getting excited to finally hold/cuddle this hiccuping, kicking, rolling human being.

I don't think my doctor will let me go past my due date but you never know. Tomorrow we find out if they want to induce me a week early.

Next Saturday I might just be checking into the hospital to have a BABY. It kind of reminds me when Kiel and I drove to our sealing appointment to become ONE. Life changing events by appointment...cool.

We have a lot to do this week!

Update on "Preparing"

Well, we've made some progress since my last blog on this topic...

Nursery painted - check
Hospital tour - check
Pre-registered at Torrance Memorial - check

Child birth, breastfeeding and newborn classes - check
Mother completely uncomfortable - check

Major Accomplishments

Montana, is now sleeping in the living room instead of our bedroom. Last night was his third night in a row and he didn't even come in once in the middle of the night (major progress). My pregnancy hormones must be going crazy because emotionally I've been taking this very hard but Kiel assures me he is fine. This is a big accomplishment for us and will be a great help when the baby comes and I don't have to trip over a giant moose in the middle of the night to feed the baby.

Kiel painted the nursery!!! He did such a good job. He is a total perfectionist when it comes to projects like this, which I LOVE by the way. I taped off the walls and pointed out spots that needed to be re-done but the rest was up to my handy man husband who will now be the professional painter when we have our own house. Poor guy - I hate white walls.

Baby C had another ultra sound today and his estimated weight as of right now is 7lbs 10 ounces. He's in the 84th percentile and we are too far along to get a head circumference this time, but it's not looking good ;( Well, I shouldn't say that, things look great and baby is healthy. The doc said he'll be an estimated 9lbs when he's born and could be bigger since big babies grow faster than average. But I hear they are usually off. I'm hoping we will compromise and be no more than 8.

And for fun, my friends at work have been sending me pics of 9lbs newborns...frightening to say the least. This guy below is just hours old.

Historical Events

Event #1

Who: The Brute
What: His head dropped on mom's bladder and has been stuck there ever since. Mom can finally breathe and no longer experiences heart burn.
When: Yesterday, April 14th at approximately 9am
Comments: People say this means it's getting close. I hope it still means I have 4 wks to go.

Event #2

Who: Kiel
What: A car seat is professionally being installed in his pimping cool car. A car seat for his son who will make his entrance shortly. A car seat in Kiel's car, is anyone else laughing?
When: Today, April 15th
Comments: Thank you CHP for your car seat safety expertise and please don't scratch the leather for your sake ;)

Baby Shower, Bay Area Style!

This weekend I packed up the dog, kidnapped Beth and headed up north to celebrate the upcoming arrival of Baby Christensen with my friends and family in the bay area.

The shower was so much fun and I got to see friends that I haven't seen since high school.

Activities: Decorate a onesie, create a baby face using photo's of Kiel and Melissa, drink applejuice out of a bottle and play trivia.

My stepmom made the food, she is an amazing cook! Menu: Chicken salad sandwhich on croissant role, Tortilla and Potato soup, potstickers, fruit and potato salad.

Nicole Evans made the cake

Me and my mom

Me with my prego sisters, the oldest already popped hers out.

Group Pic

Thank you Frances and Karen for your hardwork and making it so much fun. Thank you Jana for the potato salad and cookies and everyone else who helped set up!

I also drove to my cousin's friend's studio and took pictures of me and my prego belly. We did a really fun shoot and can't wait to see how those turned out!

Till next time, I already miss my friends :(

Big Baby Boy

Baby Christensen is doing great (and so is mom, if anyone cares!) The doctor wants us to have another ultra sound in 8 weeks to monitor his weight. He's about 3 and 1/2 pounds at 28wks which is in the 70th percentile but his head or should I say GIANT head is in the 99th percentile, I think the doc wanted to say 105th percentile but there is no such thing (or is there?).

Anyway are you surprised? He has two amazons for parents. I know I can't tell for sure but his nose looks like a Keddington nose...what do you think?

But his HUGE foot, well that's a Stirling/Chamber foot for sure!

So far Dr. Naylor's consensus is we are looking at a 9lb baby or more (eek!) when it's time to deliver.

I wondered why I looked as big or bigger as my child birth classmates that are due in March. It's mostly because I have a lot of fluid and water surrounding the baby, a lot more than most (whatever that means.) But Dr. Naylor says that's a good thing.

I think Brigitte and my cousin are right, I am in desperate need of an epideral come labor day!

Love you all!

Mel, Kiel and Baby C

Final Stretch

Yesterday, marked the start of my third trimester and the panic that it is all coming to an end or a beginning depending on how you look at it. Either way I or should I say we? No, it's I (Kiel is cool as a cucumber, like always, except the night he proposed or the day we were sealed for eternity) am not prepared for the end or the beginning. So for the next 3 months I will be doing just that, preparing.

I thought classes would help ease the anxiety but they just remind me of all the things I am not yet prepared for and overwhelm me with 50 handouts to read. However; I recommend the breastfeeding class to all new parents and those who are interested I think it will end up being a great help once the beginning is here or is it the end?

Last night I asked Kiel if he would get an epidural if he knew he was going to be tased for 14 hours straight and he simply replied "you aren't in labor for 14 hours straight, you get breaks." Which means he really didn't answer my question and thinks tasing hurts worse than labor...does it? (Because that would give me hope.)

Today, I have a list of things to do and was motivated to do them until I sat on the couch to eat and peruse blogs. Now I don't want to get up. A sign that my 2nd trimester energy is fading and my 1st trimester fatigue is revisiting...sigh.

They say the time will come when you can't wait to get the baby out of you but is it not obvious that time is not yet here for me? (That was a weird way of structuring a sentence.) On a walk or was it a drive? I told Kiel, I wouldn't mind having the baby in my womb for 18 years and then one day he pops out and says "thanks for the warm nest, peace out" But then again, I wouldn't like that either.

Tuesday, we will see our baby via ultra sound and we can't wait. I, like most mothers love ultra sounds. This time he might be awake and we will get to see him move. I always wonder if it's his hand, elbow or foot that he is poking me with.

Anyway, that's enough randomness for one day.

Thanks for reading!

The baby likes to eat...

For my own memory, I'm posting what I like to eat while gestating w/baby #1.

Breakfast

We love eggs, overhard w/salt n pepper or lemon pepper! My dear husband will make these for me on days I have to work and he has the day off...oh, how I love him.

Whole Grain Toast with Jam and butter, no bread ends please.

Original yogurt w/straw, black and blue berries

Lunch

Portobello Mushroom burgers from veggie grill or Veggie Delight footlong from Subway, hold the mayo and onions and I love fries.

Dinner

Give it to me spicey!

Spicy spaghetti sauce, salads, chili, acutally lots of stuff, I'm not picky.

Weird Cravings

Peppercini's, pickles, tobasco sauce, frito chips and cranberry tangerine juice.

Mel FATTY

Last week the baby and I went to the Dr's.

In case you haven't noticed the baby goes EVERYWHERE with me and it's getting annoying, but I won't tell the baby that.

So, we went to the Doc's for our regular check-up.

First things first, pee in a cup.

Second, hop on scale. I hopped on the scale, with my shoes on (but I cheated because I wore lighter shoes than usual...shhhh) and watched the scale go up.

It went up a lot actually. More than it has ever been before. But this wouldn't surprise my friends who knew me in high school. I was rail thin in high school. So thin I could now eat my high school self for a snack.

Third, wait in room.

The Doc, came in and right away confirmed my fatness. "Enjoyed the holidays this season." It was more of a statement than a question. My Doctor is a straight shooter, there is no sugar coating when it comes from her.

I gave it right back to her. "You're referring to my weight gain."

"Why yes, you've gained more weight in 4 weeks than you have in your entire pregnancy."

"Well, I've been starving"

"Well, you might want to slow it down"

"So how much more weight can I gain?"

"9 lbs"

"9 lbs!?!, that's crap and you know it."

She just laughed.

I decided I hate her. How dare she get between me and food, our relationship is healthy and solid.

But as you can see, I have grown significantly. The pictures below are just one week apart.

The Secret Kicker

For weeks now I have felt the baby move and now his jabs are strong enough for other hands to feel him but just as another hand touches my belly he stops kicking.

I've been desperately wanting my husband to share this moment with me. I use to yell out, "he's kicking" and Kiel would quickly put his hands on my belly to relish in the moment...but nothing. Nothing would happen. Sure enough as soon as we got impatient and moved our hands the baby would give me another jab.

"What a little sucker" I said.

After the tenth scenario ending the same way, I did something different the next time my husband and I were about to have a moment with baby, I decided not to announce that he was kicking. I just quietly put Kiel's hands on my stomach, but yet again he stopped. Not one movement from him. Kiel waited for 30 minutes while watching T.V. and still not one jab or tickle.

"I guess he went to asleep" I muttered and got up to get a beverage. But sure enough as I opened up the fridge door he kicked me hard in the center.

This was becoming a fun and frustrating game.

Baby - 20
Melissa - 0

I finally scored a point this morning when I got my good morning kick right in the belly button, I put Kiel's hand on my belly and didn't say a word. Ten minutes later, I felt a strong jab and kick and Kiel felt it too!

"I felt him, I finally felt him move!"

Baby - 20
Melissa - 1

Merry Christensen

Way back when I first became an aunt at age 13 I learned all about pregnancy and how hard it could be on the woman's body. At that age I was skittish around bellies, especially those that had movement in them. To me pregnancy resembled an alien abduction or at least how I imagined an alien abduction would happen. Let's just say I had quite the imagination and watched too many movies.

As I got older, more nephews and nieces were born and I observed all of those pregnancies as well. I developed my own theories and one that always rang true was:

Easy pregnancy = Girl

Hard pukey pregnancy = Boy

Based on that theory I guessed right every time. I should have bet money, I would have raked in the dough, oh well, I'll call it a loss in economic opportunity ;)

My pregnancy (we're talking about me now, after all it is my blog) has been nothing to complain about. Sure, I've had my rare pukey moments and days where I felt like I was living on a ship anchored in the ocean but over all I've felt great.

Great = Girl

I was sure we were having a girl until my first real ultra sound (the 6 wk one doesn't count). I saw our baby at 12 weeks and it was lying in my belly sleeping on its back. Nothing could disturb it. The doctor was trying to get a measurement but the baby would not move. So the doctor poked and prodded some more until the little baby bounced up one time and turned to it's side, back facing us and went back to snoozing away. At that moment I thought, is my husband inside of there? It was a precious moment only a mother and father could find precious. (After all, let's face it at that stage they're pretty lumpy and my kid had two lumps on top of it's head that resembled horns, I swear.)

After that moment I was on the fence; well it's possible to be a boy, the Chinese calendar says it's a boy and Kiel really wants a boy.

And so we waited six more long weeks.

Today was the big day. Kiel came with me and we both waited patiently, since we were patients (bad joke) in the doctors office. Finally Dr. Naylor came in and put that warm gel on my belly and started poking around. We first saw the top of the head and checked out the brain, he then moved to the belly and the face. We saw a hand by it's mouth and then we checked out the umbilical cord along with the kidneys. "Everything looks great" Dr. Naylor reassured. "Now do you want to see what you're having?" Before I could answer Kiel piped in a fast "yes!" So the doc scooted down by the legs and measured the femur, and added "this is the strongest bone in the human body." Who cares just show us the good stuff I thought. Then he took a picture of it's feet, "oh what cute little baby feet" he continued and "it has all 10 toes." Woo hoo, I thought, move along. And so he went up between the legs and Kiel and I both looked and thought we saw something in between. "Girls don't have that, do they?" I stated/asked.

"Nope, they sure don't" Dr. Naylor said.

And that's when Kiel jumped out of his chair and yelled "I knew it!"

So there you have it baby Christensen #1 is a boy and we are more than overjoyed/thrilled/excited/(enter synonym here)!

Merry Christmas, a very merry Christmas!

And Kiel says "see, prayers do work!" well, we all knew that anyway:)

So my point (yep, I have one): My theory is wrong~ we're having a boy!

The end!

Update!!!
My theory has proven right for all of my nieces and nephews, it just didn't work on me because, and this is just a theory, I'm sorta manly (you'll notice when you look at my feet).

Insomnia

I was wide awake at 3am, this morning. After my usual tinkle I couldn't go back to sleep.

I was hungry, but for what?

I tossed and turned for an hour and then gave up. I made couscous and turned on the tube.

Kiel came out to see what the heck I was doing, plus he had to get ready for work.

"I can't sleep." I explained

"So you're cooking and watching T.V.?" He shook his head, and then started watching the tube with me amongst getting ready for work.

He left and it was only 5:15am, I was still wide awake.

I didn't know what to do. I would be dead if I went to work at 9am. I'm dead by 4pm with normal sleep.

It took me till 7 to write an email to my boss.

So now I have the day off, to sleep and catch up on housework, but first...

I'm hungry.

Baby Update!

I had my 2nd ultra sound today to make sure the baby was healthy and genetically safe and sound. All turned out great! Baby is normal and healthy. The baby was so much bigger than the last time I saw it. I was amazed on how fast they grow.

I have pictures and a live DVD, but it freaks me out when I see other babies in other wombs so I won't post accept upon request. Of course my own baby was not freaky at all and really adorable (lumpy head and all). My Dr. did a 3D ultra sound as well, just for fun, so I really got a close look at the baby. It slept the whole time and did one side turn when the Dr. tried to wake it up.

Kiel and I find out what it is, so I can stop saying "it" on December 14th.

I'm 12 and half weeks and my due date still remains May 15th.

That's all!

xoxo - Melissa

Old Wives Tales

Kiel wants a boy.

I mean, he wants this baby to be a boy, no exceptions. He wants it so bad he has said it to be true. Whenever he mentions the baby, he mentions it in "he" form. And in his prayers he asks Heavenly Father to bless his son. I ask him to just say the baby for now, until we know what the sex is, and he refuses. I know it's a boy, he says. Poor Kiel, he's been wanting a boy since before Celia was born.

I on the other hand, have an open mind and think it might be a girl. Call me a skeptic, but with the history of Kiel's Forefathers, I find it hard to believe he would score a boy on his first shot.

Until, I looked up old wives tales and started doing little tests. According to these wives tales and the Chinese gender calendar, we are having a boy. (Kiel is beside himself.)

Since more than half of my blog readers are pregnant and the other half have kids I decided to list some of them here:

Direction of the Ring
Many people believe in the good old ring test as a way to tell what the sex of their baby is going to be. In this test you hang your wedding ring from a string over your belly. If the ring swings back and forth your baby is a girl. If it swings around in a circle then it is a boy. This is not very good indication of whether or not you are having a boy or a girl. Fact is, if you hang your ring over any object or person it is going to swing.

Fast Heart Rate Tale
Some people believe that if your baby has a fast heart rate, near 170 beats per minute, then that means you are having a girl, and that if your baby’s heart rate is closer to 150 beats per minute then you are having a boy. This also is false. You baby’s heart rate will get faster and stronger during the first trimester as he/she grows. Then the heart rate fluctuates in speed during sleep and active times for your baby, just like an adults. So depending on when you listen to your baby’s heart rate, it might be faster or slower than it was the day before, or even earlier that same day.

The Shape of Moms Face
Some people believe that the shape of your face determines the sex of your baby. If your face is round then you are having a girl, long and narrow means a boy. This is just a myth however because where a woman stores fat and water during pregnancy has nothing to do with the sex of their baby. Along with that some believe that if your nose starts to grow or widen then you are having a girl because daughters “steal” mom’s beauty. While this sounds like something out of a fairy tale, it is simply an old wives tale.

The Key Test
Then there is the key test. Some say that if you can tell your baby’s sex by picking up a single key. If you pick the key up by big, round (top) part then you are having a boy. If you pick it up by the narrow part on the bottom then you are having a girl. Then, as if it isn’t detailed enough, if you pick the key up by the middle you are having TWINS!

The Mayan Tale
If you are Mayan then you may follow their beliefs and use numbers to determine the sex of your baby. The Mayans take the mothers age at conception and the year of conception and add them together. If the result is a even number then mom is having a girl. If the result is an odd number then a boy is on the way! The Chinese have a similar way of determining the sex of a baby.

Drain-O Test
So many people believe this old wives tale which is completely false. They are told to put a tablespoon of Drain-O in a cup and pee into it. If the mixture turns green you are having a girl. If it turns blue you are having a boy. Supposedly there is something in the moms’ urine that mixes with the Drain-O causing it to change color and determine the baby’s sex. (I didn't try this one, but am interested to find out if anyone has.)

Acne Myth
Acne during pregnancy is caused by hormones, not the sex of your baby. However, many believe that if you have an increased amount of acne during pregnancy then it means you are having a baby girl.

Cravings
This one sounds good and can be an “explanation” for many of moms’ cravings, but is it true? Some people say that if you crave salty food while pregnant it means you are having a boy and if you crave sweet food while you are pregnant it means you are having a girl. Does this mean that baby girls are sweet and baby boys are salty?

Do You Smell Like Garlic?
The question should be, “Do you WANT to smell like garlic?” There are people that swear that the garlic old wives tale is true. They say that if you eat a clove of garlic, and the smell comes out through your pores then you are having a boy. If no garlic is detected then you are having a girl. Who really wants to find out THAT bad though?!

So what wives tales seem to be always true?

Now that the wives tales are on Kiel's side I am more willing to believe that we are having a boy.

Next week is the end of my first trimester...woo hoo! I'm looking forward to having my energy back.

Lastly, Kiel wants everyone to pray for a healthy boy. I want everyone to talk Kiel into not finding out the sex until the baby is born. Good luck with that by the way, so far I have had none.

Letters

Dear Nausea,

Must you consume every part of my day? Seriously, nausea I need a break. Can you go hang out with someone else now?

Thanks. P.s. I hate you.

Melissa

Dear Toilet Bowl,

Thanks for always being there and putting up with my crap.

(I practice these jokes ahead of time.)

You're a true soldier.

See you tonight, when I need to hurl.

Melissa

Dear Baby,

I know vegetables and tofu are really good for you, but would it hurt to crave mashed potatoes or a sugary snack every once in awhile? Also baby, when you see a commercial that shows steak you don't have to make my stomach turn. We can't eat things from the t.v. I know. You still have a lot to learn. And seriously baby, a jar of peppercinis every night? That's weird baby. Fine. You win.

Love your Mommy

Dear Husband,

Can you come home now? I know your friends are really cool and all but I miss you. Selfishly I want you to have a horrible time so you will never go away again. So, are you having fun?

Love your wife

Sounds Like 1st Trimester

"Have you called your mom yet?"

"No"

"Have you written Frannie's blog?"

"No"

"Have you talked to any of your sisters?"

"No"

"You are in a funk with your family"

"No Beth, I'm just in a funk"

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Last weekend I talked to my sister about motherhood.

"When you are sick and pregnant nothing is quite right." She noted.

Yes! That is it! Nothing feels quite right. Like my blog. Like me. Like my family. Things should be different.

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I didn't have anything to wear to church on Sunday. I looked at my closet and nothing mentally fit. I could've tried some dresses on, but my mind had already decided. I didn't want to wear anything I could see. So I put on my black stand-by dress and tried to revive it with some pink accessories. I used to be cute, I swear I used to be cute.

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After church Kiel and I went home to break the fast. We ate our leftovers from the Olive Garden. Lately food and I cannot agree on ANYTHING. I thought the Zuppa Toscana soup would satisfy my appetite but after two bites I gave it to Kiel. I usually cook on Sundays. But I can't make food right now, because my love seems restricted.

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Back at the apartment Saturday morning.

"I'll make breakfast if you do the laundry." Kiel bartered.

"Sure" I shrugged.

I had a small portion of breakfast and then couldn't get up to do the laundry. The day I have a laundry room in my home will probably feel much like winning the Lotto.

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My mother's house is adorable. Every pillow, vase and sculpture sings a happy song. It's the coziest home you'll ever visit and everything is homemade. Nothing is chirping at my house. I haven't vacuumed or swept in weeks. I don't feel like doing anything while I am gestating. I get to pick these things, right?

"Were you concerned about having a cute house when your children were little?" I asked my mother.

"No, but I always tried to have a clean house." She replied.

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Kiel and I went apartment/house hunting. We walked into a home we could never afford. I will use these words to describe the home: Spacious, Georgeous, Breathtaking, I want it.

"We should talk to a lender." I say.

"You want to buy a home right now?"

I think about it, "well, we should talk to one anyway."

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We are in the bare living room tonight.

I want a snack.

I get up and get spinach dip with croustini.

No good.

Instead I grab a jar of spicy pickles take a few bites and still feel unsatisfied. I get up and slice a bell pepper.

I think, what am I doing?

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I got a promotion.

Have I told my blog that yet?

It's great, last week I had meetings till midnight. This week I have meetings in the early AM.

All day I decide which background and what CTA (Call To Action) buttons are going to attract the most customers and therefore improve conversion.

Well actually, I'm responsible for way more than that.

But basically I could care less.

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I am not right. And that is the point. I am not right because I am not listening to what is right. Right for me, my body, my season of life.

My season is not about Job promotions.

It is not about the perfect snack.

I need a permanent house so I can nest and create a safe home.

Good organization and lots of cues from nature.

A clean house.

My season is not about fashion.

It is about picking a few items, showing off the best part of my body.

Easy laundered shirts.

Look nice, but not encumbered.

Clean clothes.

My season is not about cooking elegant meals.

I do not have the heart to treat food the way it should be treated.

It is okay to eat watermelon, oatmeal and toast.

Pirate Booty and Corn Pops.

Just eat something.

My season is for babies.

For sleeping when I can.

For belly and breast expansion and retraction.

A season for schedules and predictability.

A quiet time, a time to be at home (except I'm at work), a time to focus on growing and gathering.

Love this season. (I don't want to ask my energy to do more than this, though some women can.)

Then, then, then! I will start to dream again. I will dream of the season of home cooked meals and vacuum lines in my carpet. The time to cultivate a more sophisticated wardrobe and mornings to stay in bed until noon. I will earn my way to a kitchen full of spices and surprises. Parties, gatherings, social outings. First this. Then the gold living room. (Did I mention I want a gold living room?)