I went to a parent lecture today. I forgot a pen and note pad so I blogged my notes using my phone. I was going to copy it later and delete this post but I think I will leave it up for all those who find this interesting as well. The speaker was Kent E. Parke, who is a family therapist for a little over 30 years. He was awesome.
1. Help your children develop faith and trust in a kind and loving Heavenly Father. - make church attendance a normal thing you do. Lead by example.
2. Demonstrate to your children that you are in love. Demonstrate a happy and wonderful marriage to your children. Knowing their father loves their mother is critical for a child's feeling of security and wellbeing. Learn to treat your spouse with love, kindness and compassion. The lord gave Adam a helpmeet (Eve) = which means equal helper.
3. Choose your battles wisely, avoid power struggles. Never argue or bicker. Set reasonable boundaries and consequences.
- do not raise your voice. "i'm sorry you feel that way" 6 simple words.
4. Never criticize. - 25/1 home research: for every 1 compliment made to the child their were 25 criticism to follow. Children get tons of critical feedback. 1/10: for one criticism give 10 compliments. children interpret criticism as rejection.
5. Compliment often. - maximize the positive - minmize the negative. Give hugs & kisses liberally - use "hit & run" (when older, by themselves give them a hug and kiss and get out of dodge before they complain)
6. Encourage communication - be a good listener. Avoid being critical and judgemental. Be enthusiastic and supportive. Girls communicate more than boys. When they do, be there for them. Be sensitive and understanding to their feelings, even if they tell you things you don't want to hear.
7. Encourage decision making. - age 18 is coming -always give choices and let them use their free agency even if they make the wrong choice.
8. Give unconditional love, kindness, and acceptance. All children have unlimited intrinsic worth and are gifts from God! We can never error on the side of kindness!
9. Make everything fun! "why say 'no' when you can say 'yes' - let's have fun! Be a fun dad, go do stuff with your kids.
10. Be willing to apologize. - none of us are perfect. Please and thank you also help.
Avoid being authoritative, controlling, rigid, manipulative, perfectionistic, critical, judgemental, defensive, grumpy, and rude. Learn to be at peace with yourself, your spouse, and your children.
Enjoy the journey! Kids are amazing and grow up fast!
The loving relationship you develop with your son or daughter always transcends performance! When in doubt - always focus on relationships! Help your children have a safe, happy and peaceful childhood!
Do the best you can and move forward!
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